When Mother Doesn't "Know Best" | Re-programming Our Nervous Systems Into Cycles That Promote Our Peace And Ability To Thrive | Clearing Out Imbalanced Survival Mode Settings
Good evening,
I am doing a "Throwback Tuesday" piece today as I was going through my archives and stumbled upon this article I wrote last Cancer season. It deals with many themes of now that need to be paid attention to as we close out our time in the first water sing of the zodiac.
I hope tonight's "MOONRISE MUSING" is informative and enlightening. I will also share the link to my "Motherline Curse Breaking And Maternal Hatred Reversal" decree at the close of this piece.
Sending you much love!
Solarah đź’™
In these last days of Cancer season, we have the opportunity to relinquish that which has wrongfully programmed our nervous systems into perpetual states of survival.
Our mothers were the chief programmers of our nervous system’s base and default settings. It is by and through them that our systems learn to handle stress. If our mothers were high strung individuals, or faced circumstances that placed abject amounts of stress on them during pregnancy and our infancy years, we inherited a lot of that emotional imprinting.
Too often we ignore the impact that a woman’s mental and emotional state has on a baby’s developing nervous system. In infancy, we are like sponges - absorbing cues on how to be, that become the foundations that we return to and build from throughout our lives.
What is established as the foundation of an energy, is what continually feeds the cycles that support these original foundations.
In other words, the way we learn to cope with stress - due to our mother’s exposure to it, and her ability to regulate or not healthily regulate herself in those conditions - is what sets up our stress responses for life, and therefore the quality of people and situations we entertain, because they feel familiar or like “home”…..just like Mom.
When we have had the opportunity to be raised by mothers who either knew how to regulate their nervous systems healthily in high stress situations, or who weren’t overly exposed to that which stressed them out as new mothers, we learn how to regulate ourselves too, and to feel safe in the company of those who mirror back to us that true sense of safety.
Some of us were primarily programmed into Fight, Flight, Freeze, Fawn states before we ever really had the chance to experience externally the situations that would cause us to react in such ways. This was the literal foundation upon which our nervous systems were originally set, and therefore we’ve been tuned into these settings our whole lives.
I was the first child of my parent’s to be born in the USA - following a harrowing escape from the war torn nation of Liberia. My parents narrowly escaped brutal deaths, with my then barely two year old sister, when they found their lives completely uprooted in a foreign land where they then had to begin from scratch.
Two years later - with zero processing of that experience, or the years of childhood abuse she had also escaped from by way of choosing to marry my father (who also then abused her) - my mother became a mother for the second time, in a country that wasn’t her home. She was 24 years old, and already the mother to a 4 year old. A baby having another baby - still not recovered from the many literal and figurative wars that had gotten her to this place thus far.
I strongly felt my mother’s resentment towards me and her situation from as far back as I can remember. As a child, I didn’t fully grasp the complexities as to why she would feel that way, but I instinctly knew that my survival depended upon getting her to love me. So I began my life learning to fawn or flee from anything that looked like the arousal of conflict in her.
As a woman - who later repeated many of my mother’s cycles, and was physically abandoned by my husband with a one year old and another on the way - I get the ambivalences and resentments that can grow when we are abused and mistreated at a time in our lives when we need the extra support and nurturance, so we are able to have something to give to our developing babies. I get it now wholly.
Little me, however, began to develop a heightened awareness to every shift in my mother’s mood. I learned to adapt myself perpetually in response to her dysregulation - in order not to arouse her anger and frustration towards me. I carried this disposition into school, and became an open target for bullying teachers and students, who mistook my fear and hypervigilance for slowness and stupidity.
Again, I learned how to fawn and retreat deeper into myself to cope with the constant assaults against my being that I was now volleying in the two places I spent all the hours of my day - home and school. I learned early on how to use my imagination as a form of escapism, and so - when at home - I would lock myself away in my room or my father’s study, and get lost in the imagery I could so easily pull up in my mind, or in the many books, encyclopedias, and magazines that lay mostly untouched in his office.
My hypervigilance heightened my sensitivity all the more, and I literally was an open and unprotected channel for everyone’s emotions - able to easily be brought to tears by music, movies, and stories because of my finely tuned and exercised empathic gifts.
This sense of heightened empathy meant I was always looking for the woundedness in others to heal, when I hadn’t even done that yet for self. I kept emulating my first primary emotional bond, and all of it dysfunction and discord. I even married a man whose mother wounds of abandonment and neglect assured that he would treat me in a more pronounced and magnified expression of that which I had learned from the beginning was love. That “love” almost killed me. Literally.
I have spent more years healing myself than simply living. I grew up in abuse, married into abuse, and only began properly seeing the true nature of the cycle in my early thirties - although from childhood I constantly sought out ways to heal…to feel and do better, so that I could live in the ways I saw other people around me doing.
Finally waking up and seeing the true origins of my dissatisfaction and brokenness, and the behaviours it perpetuated, was only the first step, and not even the real work. I have spent a decade “re-programming” myself into true safety, and out of the self-destructive settings that my mother had tuned me into from the womb - often times purposely and with envious intent.
As a Leo Sun and Venus in Cancer….I am all heart and mush. My Virgo and Aquarius placements help to balance me out immensely, but I am still here to love wildly and without abandon. I am literally here to love like the Devine Mother. This beautiful trait has been exploited, mishandled, misused, and abused for my whole life. I am only now learning how to protect and wield it in such a way that it is properly valued and appreciated.
Cancer is the sign of the mother as nurturer and life giver. It is the sign upon which our emotional foundations begin, and the sign we can return to when we are ready to uproot and re-establish those foundations into settings which produce cycles that support life and our ability to thrive - as opposed to those foundations and cycles that promote untimely death, destruction and dysfunction.
Our mothers and fathers were gifted the devine privilege of being able to set our electro-magnetic settings on foundations that would produce whatever cycles in our lives that they wanted to tune us into. This means that, from the beginning, our parents were building our energy fields into what we would attract and repel in life - in accordance with how they treated us, what they “fed” and exposed us to, and the example they set for us to witness.
This is a privilege that too many were ignorant of, and far too many abused. However, all is not lost. The wisdom of Cancer shows us how to re-parent ourselves into the settings and foundations that align with our Devine Mother and Father’s true intentions for us - which were always rooted in unconditonal love and devotion to the uniqueness of our souls, and our right to express this fully.
So, use these final days of Cancer season to establish new energetic foundations that promote your ability to properly love, nurture, and care for yourself again. Tune into the beauty of now to commune deeper with the true needs of your inner child, and to love that little version of yourself with the lavishness you always deserved.
It is possible to love ourselves back into wholeness and completeness, and cancerian wisdom is faithful in showing us exactly how. What we think we want to find in another, is that which we seek reunion with first in ourselves. It’s truly time to “come home.”
Wishing you a deeply restorative day!
Solarah ✨
BOOK FOR SATURDAY JULY 19th HERE:
https://ko-fi.com/s/fbfb9a09ba
BOOK FOR SUNDAY JULY 20th HERE:
https://ko-fi.com/s/ecfaac6212
Description
This is a sacred online gathering for those ready to step outside inherited suffering, familial harvesting systems, generational harvesting trauma loops, and spiritual entrapment within the false matrix.
We will explore the architecture of family grids - what they are, how they work, and how they were used to bind, control, redirect flow, and siphon. We will also explore various avenues into fully exiting these false “inheritance” systems from the inside out.
This is part teaching, part ritual, and part intuitive soul journeying. It is designed to return you to sovereignty, truth, remembrance and ancestral dignity - removing you from being tethered to these harvesting grids so that you are free to anchor into the New Earth grids.
There will be grounding and meditation work, and an information session followed by a Q&A. All attendees will also receive a PDF bundle to continue to assist them in integrating and grounding following the event, as well as access to an aftercare Telegram messaging group, which is available for seven days for ongoing group discussion and access to Solarah.
Please show up grounded and well hydrated. I so look forward to seeing who is devinely guided to attend đź’«